It is Not Just a Girl Thing
Research highlights a father’s powerful influence on his daughter. One area, for example, has to do with a daughter’s selection of a husband. According to one study, if a daughter had a close relationship with her dad growing up, she will be much more likely to be attracted to men who resemble her father—including facial characteristics.
It may seem obvious; it makes sense that if a daughter has a strong relationship with her dad, she would have positive feelings about someone who looks similar to her dad. (And the opposite is also true.) But this study also reinforces the truth that a father’s modeling plays a huge role in shaping what his daughter looks for in a husband and a marriage—in qualities that go far deeper than appearance.
As The Father’s Cry Ministry conducts workshops in the United States or a foreign country, like Africa, we are stunned at the desperate crying out of young women for their fathers. Statistics will demonstrate that young girls (and older women) will seek out the influence of a man of some shape or form to fill the gap of not having a daddy or an absent daddy. Remember there are different kinds of absences that I have shared over the years: Physical Absence, Psychological Absence, Emotional Absence and Spiritual Absence. Guys, which ones touch you in your relationship with your daughter and maybe your wife? You see, these girls and women fall into incredible destructive behavior with sex, affairs, divorce and other unhealthy behavior. Statistics will demonstrate high STD rates, teen pregnancy, drop out of school and the list goes on. Guess what? When this goes unresolved Big Girls act out in the same desperation with unhealthy activities in and out of marriages. Until the earthly daddy wound becomes identified and healed, we have a world of young women tumbling toward despair. Guys, where do you stand with BOTH your princess?
So, Guys, Let’s Think About….
To maximize our influence with our daughters, we need to focus on building a strong relationship with them. For practical ideas on how to do that, Dr. Ken Canfield, has written about 5 things daughters need from their dads, and his article is one of the most popular on our website (fathers.com). What does your daughter need from you?
Guidance.
As a girl matures, she comes to some significant crossroads. There are important life decisions ahead, and she needs the benefit of her dad’s life experiences and wisdom as she considers options and thinks through possible consequences of her choices.
Comfort.
Moms are great at giving comfort, but our daughters need it from us as well. The ability to comfort can be a huge asset to our relationships with our daughters—especially after a disappointment or a heated confrontation. Comfort is even more important than our guidance, because it sets the foundation for our daughters to receive and respond to our efforts to guide them.
For Faithful Fathers ...
One more important thing your daughter needs: she needs you to be close to God. A large part of how you respond to your daughter during the significant moments in her life will depend on how much you trust your heavenly Father. That will affect how you relate to her. For example, you’ll have more patience and not be too controlling; you’ll have more self-control when her behavior is confusing to you; you’ll be more sensitive to what she needs and be more proactive in giving comfort and encouragement. Also, being close to God will set a great example: She’ll see that you are committed wholeheartedly to Him and she’ll look for that same devotion in the man who will become her husband someday.
In the Trenches...
Building strong relationships between fathers and daughters is the focus of the National Center for Feathering’s Father-Daughter Summit event, which is coming to Oklahoma City and Charlotte, North Carolina, next month, and two Texas locations next spring. There are numerous testimonies from daughters and dads about how much this event has meant to them. If your daughter is 11 or older, this experience will be worth whatever effort it takes for you to attend with her—even if it means traveling to an event from another part of the country. Find out more about the Summit event or watch inspiring videos from others who have attended at Fathers.com. I don’t have a daughter but I plan to be in Oklahoma because I know God can and continue to use me to “step-in” and be a father mentor for a young girl who has been abandoned.
In our family, that one such girl was Jessica. Jessica was a senior, pregnant, and desperate for a loving relationship with a young man. We opened our home for her and our lives may have been more changed than anything we have done. We watched a beautiful young baby boy born but we also watched him being given up. Luckily, this little baby boy left Amarillo with a great set of parents who still love him in an incredible way. It was sort of a lousy situation but a happy ending. He will always have a great dad. You might have guessed: Jessica had an absent dad.
ACTION POINTS for Committed Dads
- Do something with your daughter that she enjoys, even if it isn’t your first choice. With a young daughter, play dolls or have a play tea party. With an older girl, play volleyball or soccer, or go shopping with her. Try to have fun and learn more about her.
- Ask your children what they find most attractive in the opposite sex. Talk about the most important qualities to look for in a spouse.
- Ask your daughter about her dreams and express your support for her in those areas. Even if her dreams and goals change many times over the years, be a consistent encourager and keep telling her you’ll always be there for her.
- Talk with your wife (or your daughter’s mom) about how she thinks you are influencing your daughter, and ask for her ideas about how to improve.
- Put all of your child’s school events on your work calendar. Share them with your assistant or your co-workers and ask for their help as you seek to protect that time.
- Read the story of Isaac and Rebekah’s marriage in Genesis 24 with your children. Pray for their future spouses, wherever they may be right now.
Just a note: Hope to see you in Oklahoma City at the Father-Daughter Summit.
In all things: Love, Love and Listen, Listen
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